I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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