I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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