Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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