i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
