His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
