Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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