Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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