Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
