Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
