final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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