I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she looked like the before picture.
home. puking in laundry basket.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
