i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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