I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
