Christians are straight up FREAKS
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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