I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
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In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
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Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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