you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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