I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
