Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
