sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
