I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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