I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
