Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
