You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
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Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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