ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
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screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
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Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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