Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
