if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
