Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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