I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
