I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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