when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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