I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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