I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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