3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
