I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
