i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
