You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I puked a lego.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
