Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize