i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
