we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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