dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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