Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
