I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
