the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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