If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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