I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
