video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize