Nicole vs. Life
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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