Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
