why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
