doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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