Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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