I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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