I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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