i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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