Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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