Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize