If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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