the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
