well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
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By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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